Ever since having children, I have been worried about all the danger I see around me. This week I am looking at how that works within our marriage, the worst accident Finley has had so far and how I dealt with it.
Waiting For The Safe Zone
When we got pregnant with Finley we decided to tell people once we had passed the 12 week stage since that is, statistically, the riskiest part of a pregnancy. I’ll feel much less worried after that, I thought to myself.
12 weeks came and went and I still found myself worried. Hmmm, maybe when I can feel the baby moving, I thought, then I’ll be reassured that he’s ok. I started feeling him move (after one false alarm that turned out to be flatulence) however I still felt worried about him. I thought maybe it would be better once I got to the final few weeks of pregnancy when the baby is fully formed and just putting on fat but, you can probably see where I am going with this, I was no less worried than when I was waiting for that first scan.
Maybe when he’s born and I can see him? Still no. It wasn’t until I got to the stage of wondering if maybe it would be less worrisome when he’s old enough to speak so he can tell me if anything is wrong that I finally realised: I’m just going to be forever worried about him but the worries change as he gets older.
The problem is, wherever I go, I see danger. Taking a walk along Saltburn Pier? What if he falls in? Will I be quick enough to dive in after him and save him? He wants to put his hand out of the car window on a sunny day? What if he hits something and breaks his arm? I’m currently sitting by the pool on our holiday and scared of Finley running and jumping in. What if he hits the wall? What if he falls?
Am I the only one who thinks like this?
It’s actually made me more fearful of life in general. I’m scared to go down water slides I wouldn’t have thought twice about when I was younger. In fact, that’s all I would’ve done on holiday. My sister said that it’s because I’m now constantly risk assessing and I view the world in terms of danger.
Which Parent Are You?
I don’t think this is a good way for me to be viewing things and I don’t want Finley to see the world as a scary place. That’s where Mark comes in. In most of our couple friends, I have noticed that there are usually one of each type of parent: the ‘Careful! Careful!’ one; and the ‘He’ll be fine!’ one. No prizes for guessing which way round Mark and I are.
During lockdown, Finley tripped and fell into our TV unit. He wasn’t running - as you know I would never let him do anything so dangerous! He split his eyebrow open and there was blood everywhere. Understandably he was screaming and I felt dazed like it wasn’t really happening. I imagine these things happening all the time and now it actually was. I started thinking, Right, we need to go to hospital. Mark was at work so I rang him and he started to give me instructions but then I felt dizzy and I knew I was going to pass out. Mark’s two brothers were living with us during lockdown, luckily, because I did pass out and his brother had to bring me back round. By that time, Finley had gotten over the shock and was looking after me! Mark was on the way home and had continued talking to the man from 111 since I was unable to. When he got back we took Finley to North Tees hospital but only one parent was allowed in with him. By now, I was being violently sick in the car park so, needless to say, Mark took him in and got it steri-stripped shut. When we got back home, Mark and Finley got fish and chips for everyone and I had to go to bed and wait for the sickness to stop. So, it’s safe to say I wasn’t much use. Actually, no, I wasn’t any use at all. Poor old Finley was looking after me most of the day. It’s a good job Mark was so calm.
All About That Balance
As gung ho as Mark can be, thankfully he is able to keep it together in a crisis. However, his parenting catchphrase is, ‘Oh, he’ll be alright!’ He even stuck to that when he sent Finley careering down a snowy hill on a sledge towards the river. Clearly I did not agree. So my role is Health and Safety Supervisor and his is Fun and Entertainment Officer. If it were just me, Finley would have no fun but would be very safe. If it were just Mark then he would have the time of his life but be on first name terms with the A&E nurses.
So, I think it is another one of those examples where it’s all about balance. Hopefully, between the two of us we can give Finley and Mya the best of both worlds.